Uchiholidays!
by mightykid420
Summary: Modern AU of Naruto. Itachi comes home for the holidays and brings his Akatsuki pals with him. How much can Uchiha Fugaku take? More surprises to come! Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters.
1. Chapter 1

Fugaku sat on his armchair skimming a catalogue of yachts in between sips of his fine whisky. The fireplace warmed up the room nicely and his favorite Frank Sinatra Christmas hits was playing in the background creating a relaxed atmosphere to prepare him before the chaos of this day ensues.

His son Itachi just came home from College for his break, notifying Fugaku and Mikoto that he would be hosting his friends this coming holiday. Fugaku didn't even know Itachi had friends other than his cousin; Shisui who's in Peru herding Llamas with his brother, Obito. Mikoto thought it was great that Itachi actually interacts with people, and since they have quite a large estate, they complied to their first-born's request.

Fugaku heard the intercom buzz but he didn't really want to get up from his comfortable position. He decided that maybe one of his useless sons ought to get the door while their mother prepared dinner in the kitchen as was customary. A few seconds later the intercom buzzed again, but now it was a tirade of buzzes, not stopping until it has probably been attended to. Seething with anger, Fugaku sighed to calm himself before walking to the intercom to address the visitors. He really didn't understand why Mikoto let all of their servants go away at the same time on such a busy holiday.

Upon reaching the monitor that's connected to the CCTV's at their gate, Fugaku sees 2 cars on convoy. The one closest to the intercom was a convertible with 4 young adults and Fugaku took note that one of them did not even have the decency to put a shirt on. The other car is a pick up truck that Fugaku can just swear has to be the default car driven by tweakers.

"This is the Uchiha residence, what is your business here?" Who the hell are these hooligans trying to wreck havoc in his home?

The weirdo with the half ponytail and is that eyeliner? responded to him, "Yo is this where Itachi lives? Hmm!"

Before Fugaku could shoo the miscreants away, his eldest son dashed into the room wearing only a towel and responded, "Cool, you guys are here! Let me open the gate for you guys!"

with that, the boy pressed the button to open the gate for the two cars to enter the estate. Itachi faced him, "Father, I might need time to get dressed. Could you do me the favor of showing my friends to the living room?"

Fugaku couldn't really find it in himself to turn the boy down, after all; his son has always made it into the dean's list, tops all of his classes, excels in pretty much any activity and is basically Fugaku's pride and Joy. So this once, just this once he would indulge Itachi. "Very well, make it snappy."

Itachi bowed his thanks and went back to his room, while Fugaku walked to the main entrance of the house to welcome their 'guests'.

Upon opening the door, Fugaku saw the devils in the flesh. First there's this boy whose face is filled with piercings. Next to him is a girl who Fugaku assumes to be Pinhead's girlfriend as she also has a piercing herself. Next to the two, the shirtless man from the footage. His silver hair is slicked back and he seems to be playing with his armpit hair. Then there's the blond with weird hair, honestly Fugaku would never understand this man bun…. whatever fashion kids are sporting these days. Beside him is this somewhat normal looking red haired boy (this kid probably dyed his hair with kool-aid) whose expressionlessness rivals that of his first-born's. Then there's this tall disgruntled brunette with a business case in hand who's scowling at Fugaku, like wtf the nerve of this kid. Fugaku wanted to close the door when his eyes landed on a blue skinned boy smiling at him with his shark-like teeth and disturbingly shark-like eyes. Fugaku took a moment to imagine if the boy blinked or not.

"Good evening, sir! We are Itachi's friends. I am Kisame Hoshigaki!" The blue boy said politely

Fugaku hesitated to shake hands with the weird kid, out of fear that the boy might bite his hand off, "Right, I'll show you guys to the living room. I am Itachi's father, the master of this house and I will keep you company while my son prepares to attend to you." As much as Fugaku wanted to be nowhere near Itachi's weird friends, he also did not want to leave them as they would probably destroy and pillage from his home.

Once they reached the living room, Fugaku made his way back to his armchair. The guests busied themselves with getting seats as well, while Fugaku saw the man with the business case examining one of Mikoto's Faberge's. He's gonna keep an eye on this crook.

"So, Itachi's dad hmmm. I'm Deidara an arts major who's gonna make it big!" Spoke the blonde kid first. OMG WTF why is Itachi friends with art majors?!

"I'm Sasori, you would have been aesthetically pleasing if not for those jowls. I'm also an art major." Did the Kool-aid kid seriously just call him ugly? Oh hell nawww…

"Yo never mind these losers, Mr. Itachi's dad. Have you heard of Jashin our lord and savior? Because he is motherfucking awesome!" The hick with silver hair started.

"Shut up, Hidan, no one wants to hear about your cult. Mr. Uchiha I am Kakuzu and I have been examining this Faberge and its most outstanding quality, would you by any chance be interested to auction this?" The scowling man questioned still scowling. Fugaku concluded he probably just has one of those bitch face syndromes which Fugaku can personally identify with. He entertained the idea for a while since they do have so many useless decors but Mikoto would probably kill him.

"Hey, I'm glad you guys can make it. Let me show you guys to the guest house so you can unpack." Fugaku has never been happier to see his son.

"God, what took you so long Itachi? I almost died having to listen to all this Frank Sinatra crap." Pinhead started. This is it, he's gonna get it.

"What was that you freak? I'll have you know that this deluxe—" Fugaku was cut off when Itachi spoke up.

"Oh yeah dad, this is Pein. He's the president of our fraternity." Itachi spoke casually as if the embodiment of horror had not just insulted his father's wonderful taste in music.

"Yeah, the pleasure is all yours." Pein said as he took Fugaku's hand into probably the most excruciatingly painful grip Fugaku's hand has ever been subjected to.

"Ouch wtf, let me go you psycho!" Fugaku tried snatching his hand away.

"Just welcome the pain, Mr. Uchiha. It will set you free. By the way I'm Konan." Pein's girlfriend said as she walked casually between them. These kids are probably into that whole BDSM thing he's seen from Sasuke's ipad once. Honestly, they look like extras from a Marilyn Manson music video.

"Well, thanks for chilling with us Mr. Uchiha. We're gonna be on our way now." As Fugaku turned to the voice's direction, Fugaku's eyes connected to the gaze of sharkman again. At that moment, he felt like he was vivisectioned from the inside. Honestly, what is this disturbing creature doing out of the water?

"Itachi, Zetsu says he'll catch up. He's in the garden as we speak." Sasori spoke.

"Ah yeah, cool. It's gonna be an hour or so before dinner starts anyway. Well, see you later. Thanks father." Itachi said as he led his little group of catastrophe to the guest house.

Fugaku's eye twitched. There's more of them. This is just great Christmas without the servants, psychos will be littering his house, Hiashi Hyuuga just bought another yacht which Fugaku will top soon enough, and before Fugaku can finish his mental list of everything that could ruin his holiday, an ear-piercing noise coming from his younger son's room just filled the whole manor and probably even reaching to the other side of town. How many times has he told his son to close the god damn door whenever he's gonna start practicing his guitar?!

Fugaku resigned himself back to his seat. He will just have to find a way to not be in the same breathing space as these misfits for the holidays. His son should be responsible enough to handle his friends, right? Right?! Feeling the stress building up in his system again, Fugaku took one of his Cohiba cigars and took a long drag, closing his eyes as he savored the taste of tobacco. Upon opening them, he came face to face with a white human(?) with green hair and golden eyes only inches away from him. His heart almost stopped.

"You know, smoking is bad for your health, Do you know where Itachi and the others are sir?" The creature inquired.

Fugaku couldn't speak, maybe the gods have smiled down upon him and already gave him a stroke that had done him in. He was probably dead because Oh my Kami he's not about to spend the rest of the holidays with these demons. He just stared at the kid as the kid stared at him with a very unsettling smile for probably an eternity.

Deidara wandered back to the living room because he forgot his play-doh, all thanks to that intense argument he had with Sasori earlier. Itachi must really be loaded, because his house is huge and has all this expensive shit lying around. It would have been cool if they all exploded. But anyways as he reached the living room, he saw Zetsu having a staring match with Mr. Uchiha, well kind of, the latter looks like his soul has already left his body. Glancing at the coffee table, he saw his bag of Play-doh and picked it up.

"Yo, Zetsu! Wanna join us in the guest house? It's pretty neat, and Itachi just said he's about to show us something cool!" Deidara broke the silence.

"Alright cool. I was just asking Mr. Uchiha where you guys went! I think Itachi's dad is mute!" Zetsu replied.

Fugaku didn't give a fuck anymore, every fucks left in him was forced out of his body. He just stared at the two retreating figure as his cigar burned and the ashes fell into their once immaculate carpet. He noticed that the Zetsu dude was carrying a Venus fly-trap, but as was mentioned earlier, all the fucks he had was squeezed out from him upon meeting his son's friends.


	2. Chapter 2

Mikoto is busy preparing the gravy in the kitchen, the juices from the turkey already simmering with added herbs, all she had to do was add flour to thicken it. She turned to the counter and the flour wasn't there. So she proceeded to the drawers and the cupboards and still couldn't find it. She's sure she had flour as she used it earlier to bake the ginger bread cookies. She's kind of regretting that she sent all the house help away but they deserve just as well as she to spend time with their families on such a special holiday.

"That smells really good. Looking for this?" Mikoto turned to the source of the voice to find a red haired fellow. He must be one of Itachi's guests.

"Oh thank you, I was looking for that - ?" She examined his features to find almond-shaped hazel eyes looking intently at her.

"Sasori, Itachi's my colleague. He never told me he had a sister. I found it on the breakfast table." He smiled.

"Oh, thank you. I'm a little forgetful, I'm Itachi's mother by the way. You can call me Mikoto." How charming, the youngster is flirting with her.

"I see, it's a shame you have to do all the work yourself. But I see you have done a great job, Mikoto. Can I offer you some help?" Spoke the redhead.

"I wouldn't want to keep you from your friends, it's alright. I have everything under control."

"I insist, I don't want such a beautiful woman to be in under so much distress. Besides, they're just watching a movie."

"Well, if you insist. Who am I to turn down such a lovely offer? Can you prepare the cranberry sauce? The ingredients are on the table." Mikoto smiled at Sasori.

"Alright, mind if I grab myself a drink first?"

"Of course, help yourself to the fridge."

"Thanks, hon." Sasori winked at Mikoto.

Mikoto loves her husband deeply, but it's still flattering to get complimented by another man every once in a while. Albeit a younger, very attractive man. She continued with what she was doing while Sasori busied himself with the task she gave him. As she started preparing the ingredients for the potato salad, she saw Fugaku enter the room looking excited.

"Honey! I finally found the new yacht we're getting! Come look!" Fugaku exclaimed.

"A new yacht? What's gonna happen to the old one? Is something wrong with it?" Mikoto inquired.

"Nothing, I'm just getting a new one because that bastard Hiashi bought another yacht last week. Well let's see him top this. I mean, look at the features in this!" Fugaku boasted, holding up the catalog.

"I suppose if it makes you happy."

"I would expect such a rich man to be more secure." Spoke a certain artist.

Fugaku turned to his side to see that kool aid kid looking at him smugly. "Oh it's you, what are you doing here?"

"Why, helping the beautiful Mikoto of course, shouldn't you?" The redhead spoke.

Fugaku's face darkened. "What is the meaning of this, Mikoto?"

"Oh, Sasori is just being a helpful young man, dear."

"Fine, if you need me I'll be in my study!" Fugaku walked off.


End file.
